So, I’m curious about how you feel about making Sound when you make love with another or for your own Self-Pleasure? Notice what arises in your body when I ask this question? Fear, shame, disgust, curiosity, a small giggle or perhaps even delight.
In my experience, making sound often seems to be one of the last frontiers in our erotic selves and just generally in life. We are taught to be quiet not only in our lovemaking, but often just in being able to speak our truth. There can be many reasons for this. I’ve listed a few below….
Stemming from childhood, when self-pleasuring was something we had to keep secret.
There are children in the house and you feel you need to be quiet or the neighbours might hear.
Shame – does this mean I’m a ‘slut’? What will they think?
Studies have shown that many people fake orgasm and others make sound because they think their partners like it or because they want the sex to be over and because traditionally that is what people learn from Porn. And yet it seems to be ok to make sound in certain places or perhaps when we’re so stimulated that we perhaps ‘forget’ ourselves and just ‘let go’ Think large Music Concerts or going along to a large Football match or your child’s netball game on a Saturday morning or after consuming alcohol or drugs.
Apparently, Sex and Music trigger the same area of the brain. Oxytocin is secreted immediately after we orgasm, just as it is when we listen to music. That means, on some level, when we soundtrack our sex with music, what we are effectively doing is doubling our stimulation.
The throat is innately connected to our Sex. If you look at a picture side by side of the throat and the vulva, they look extremely similar. Just as we can have all these nerve endings on our lips, and inside our mouth, so do we have many beautiful nerve endings in different places in our Vulva- the clitoris, the labia, the vestibular bulbs and more…
And then we have the Vagus Nerve which starts from the brain and weaves its’ way down through the body to the Cervix. It’s the longest Cranial nerve in the body and one of the most useful ways it is activated is through making sound. That’s why it can be so instinctively useful to make sound giving birth because it helps to open the Cervix and can even potentially lead to an Orgasmic birth. If our mind perceives something to be painful, then what does that tell our body?
Some sex toys send out prolonged, low-frequency sonic waves to target sensory receptors located within the body. I’ve watched people being stimulated by these electric wands and they certainly seem to have an effect. But like anything, prolonged use of such vibrators, which rely on a motor creating a centralised 'buzz' in the toy, can lead to over-stimulation and numbness in the targeted area. They also fail to reach past the skin to the deeper, hidden nerve endings
So, while these can be useful, what if we could make this vibration ourselves inside our own body without needing external stimulation or just as a bonus, and how can we feel more comfortable doing that? How do we give ourselves permission to be curious and make sound in our everyday lives and lovemaking?
Think of sound as a pleasure appetizer! When you see a delicious meal in front of you, do you make anticipatory sounds to increase your pleasure. Making pleasure sounds wakes up our bodies and can begin our erotic arousal experience.
Here are some Sound Tips below if you’re curious about expanding your Sound and Pleasure
Get Curious!!!! Experiment, explore. be playful. Feel the Innocence of your sound. “If this (sensation, moment, feeling) had a sound – What would the sound be?”
Sounds need air. Many people hold their breath when they are aroused or touched. In order to make sounds, you need to breathe. When you breathe deeply in and out of your belly, it’s much easier to make sounds than if you’re breathing just into your chest. Keep your jaw relaxed. If you make sounds through clenched teeth, it will feel (and sound) different than making sounds through an open mouth. You might need to open your mouth and move your jaw from side to side in order to relax it.
When you breathe out, start with a sigh gradually leading into some sound, perhaps starting with a hum or an ah, but again ask your body what sound it wants to make.
Every emotion and feeling has a sound. Making sounds isn’t just about making pleasure sounds, but rather about expressing whatever arises – pleasure, pain, sadness, anger, frustration, etc. Would joy sound different to anger or sadness? So, make different sounds to express the different emotions you feel. Rising or falling sounds, crying, high or low pitch, etc. Take time to breathe and notice the effect of each specific sound.
Making sound gets us out of our heads and into our bodies! It can quieten our thinking mind. The practice though is not to ‘make’ the sound from your mind but to trust and ask your body what sound it wants to make and like anything that’s a practice. Hence the saying- ‘Fake it till you make it’
If it feels a bit difficult initially to do it with a partner practice doing it in your own self-pleasuring. The only person that can judge yourself is you. Sure, it may feel foreign, but the more you start to trust your body, the more she will whisper to you… try this or what about this.
There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ sound to make. We are conditioned beings. Lower sounds can stimulate more the lower energy centres in the body and higher sounds the higher energy centres but don’t get fixed on that. More get curious and see what happens. Your body is not another’s.
So, what are The Benefits:
More ownership of your own sexual pleasure
More awareness and embodiment of your ‘whole’ body
Can help facilitate whole body Orgasm
Can help you become more confident, creative and expressive
Can help decrease guilt and shame around sexuality
Your sounds can potentially bring pleasure to your partner, just by witnessing you and listening to you
Your sounds can potentially make it easier for your partner to make sounds
More tools in your toolkit to play with
We often do not feel “heard.” Making sounds during sex can help you find your voice in life
It helps create vulnerability and surrender leading to more sensation and opening
Sound can take on a life of their own between two people. It creates a feedback loop. The more expressive one partner is, the more turned on the other can become. Losing control, being in the moment, can become a beautiful dance between two people. If you’re someone who likes to be in control, sound can help you to ‘let go’.
So, what have you got to lose? Get curious, explore and see what arises.
If you would like some assistance in helping you find more pleasure and opening with your Voice, this is something I specialise in and have many years of experience in as a trained Singer and Somatic Sex Educator. Having someone hold space in a non-judgemental way and with presence can be profound and a huge relief to be able to just let go, express and explore. And it brings me a lot of joy to hold space in this way...
I believe we have so many sounds inside of us – we’ve only just tapped the surface.